Shirt and shoes required, yes....but what about the pants?

After the husband formerly known as mine moved out, I then enrolled myself in Man-School which required me to do everything manly about the house......change tires, filters, oil.....cut grass, whack weeds......burp, fart, pee standing up.  I must admit I had the most success with that last group.  I used to be able to do all these things, but as soon as the ring was slipped upon my finger, I forgot everything I'd ever learned about being completely independent.


Fast forward to two weeks ago.  I decide to trim up the lawn....mainly due to the threatening letter I'd received from our HOA.  It said something to the effect of "If your grass isn't properly edged, we're going to repossess your house." That's a lot of red tape and paperwork, wouldn't it just be easier for them to edge my lawn?


So, decked out in my tshirt, shorts, and yard sneakers, I hit the garage, waded through the mountains of random engines, bicycles, tools and wires....to eventually find the weed eater.  I hadn't touched a weed whacker since I was 14----22 years ago!  After about fifteen minutes of every combination of prime, half choke, full choke, and run possible, and nearly ripping my arm from the socket, I got it started.


Well, this is easy as pie, thought I.  Just like riding a bike. Guys do this and drink beer at the same time!!!  So, confidently I hit the throttle imagining the perfectly edged lawn--- the sharp, clean lines around my walkway.....and I lowered it to the grass.....REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNN..
.....it took off on its own, flying through my yard, with me barely hanging on.  I managed to let go of the throttle eventually.....after turning my lawn into a motocross track, and blowing more shrapnel into my legs than I could pick out in a single sitting.  It looked like a crime scene....


After about twenty minutes, a mild amount of blood loss, and a moderate amount of cursing, I did complete my mission....though not quite as easily as I'd hoped.  BUT, I did it.  That's something I can check off my Man-School list.....just next time.....I'm wearing pants.